Have You Ever Asked Yourself “Where Do I Belong?”
We all know what an ideal fit feels like. It’s like when we discover a shoe that is the perfect size and shape, a band who’ve never released a track we don’t love, or a place that just feels like home.
As we travel through life, many of us get a sense of ‘not fitting’ where we are or ‘not belonging’ with the people we associate with. It might feel like we’re a little outside of life, peering in at an existence that just doesn’t tally with who we are.
If you’ve ever experienced a sense of not fitting in or not belonging, you may have assumed that it’s just you and that everyone else is perfectly happy getting on with their lives ‒ and that can leave you feeling even more isolated and alone.
But the chances are, you’re not the only one who feels like this ‒ and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with experiencing this sort of feeling or asking yourself “Where do I belong?”
Signs of unease or discomfort don’t mean there is anything wrong with you ‒ they are just a signal that you may need to make some changes in your life. And that can take a little exploring.
Just think how large the world is. What are the chances that you were born in the perfect country to fit your personality, or around other people who understand you, comfort you, and help you grow? What you are looking for could be right across the other side of the planet, or might even be accessed by associating with different people or living a different lifestyle in your current location.
We all have a ‘tribe’ of people who are the perfect fit for us, and we all have a place and a lifestyle that will feel like they are the right ones. If you’re feeling that lack of belonging, it may be that you just haven’t found them yet.
There are all sorts of options to explore, from travelling to find your perfect corner of the world, to meeting new people, to changing your job, to joining in with new activities and clubs, to doing a little inner work to remove the barriers that stop you fully loving your life.
Somewhere in the great wide world, there will be a place, some people, a mind-set, and a lifestyle that’s perfect for you. Don’t fret if you haven’t found it. It’s time to have an adventure and see where your little slice of paradise lies.
And while you’re still searching, it may be useful to read How to Be Happy Being Different, so you can still be yourself and enjoy life even if you feel like you don’t quite fit in where you are now.http://www.wiseism.com/ever-asked-belong/http://www.wiseism.com/wp-content/uploads/Belonging.jpghttp://www.wiseism.com/wp-content/uploads/Belonging-300x225.jpgWise LivingWise Mindbecome happy,belonging,change your life,fitting in,ideology,living wisely,making the most of your life,philosopy,reality,wise philosophy,wise ways of livingWe all know what an ideal fit feels like. It's like when we discover a shoe that is the perfect size and shape, a band who've never released a track we don't love, or a place that just feels like home. As we travel through life, many of us get...The WiseistBeth Burgesswiseism1@gmail.comAdministratorMy name is Beth Burgess. I don't claim to be the wisest, but I am 'The Wiseist' - someone dedicated to collecting and sharing wisdom that can help people live their lives more happily and successfully. I'm also the bestselling author of "Instant Wisdom: 10 Easy Ways to Get Smart Fast",, a therapist, coach, freelance writer, speaker, trainer, and workshop leader. And I'm still learning too.Wiseism
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I would love to talk more about this with you. I totally agree and experienced this; and trying to recreate the experience for everyone is search of it. Let’s connect, if you are interested to get involved. Thanks 🙂
I’m almost 45. I have never felt that I belonged anywhere. Even when I was very young I felt different and separate from everyone around me. Even from my immediate family. I know my husband loves me, but I still feel like I am just wrong, like I still don’t belong. Sometimes I am accepting of this feeling and can just live my life. But, sometimes it becomes overwhelming. I’ve tried clubs, volunteer work, and a variety of jobs. Nothing seems to be the right fit. Any suggestions?
I have also felt I don’t belong here. I was driving today and asked myself “where do I belong”. My kids are getting older, some in college and I have been so busy with getting them raised, so I haven’t had time to wonder. Today it hit me again and I question where I belong.
I moved every 3-4 years when I was young because my Dad was in the RAF,I had a rather posh accent, so I was never really accepted.After failing at school, I travelled the world, but nowhere was just right.I then worked hard and went to.university,I tried the career I thought be just right, but I failed to be accepted, despite getting a MA as well, hoping to out qualify the candidates.I even struggled with relationships, and I seemed them outside of my own country, but all that I met seemed to.think I was there ticket outside of poverty, and ever I tried, I was always seen as the visitor.I married twice;first wife from Croatia,second wife from America,and despite my son, it’s still.not right.I have not been to every part of the world,I have not yet found the right one.I am not 100% comfortable with my own religion and In my family feel like the outsider.I am.52 this year, and I feel very unhappy having no sense of belonging.
i am 18 an i have been asking my self where do i belong and why do i even live
it hurts so much.
Moving home regularly and not feeling connected with my family has made my life one of thinking and wishing. I never felt that I could fit and be included. Always wishing for that feeling that I’m in the right place. After 100s of hours of therapy and mindfulness (that’s what forked for me but it’s different for others) I think that gap has slowly closed and is not so engulfing. I no longer feel like I am a ghost. I found peace but not the belonging feeling. Staying out of my head in the thinking world is key for me but I still have a long way to go. After many failed relationships I stayed alone until I grounded myself until I liked enough to attract good people in my life. I ended up marrying a man who has never moved suburbs and is best friends with 8 others who SMS each other all day everyday. Its fascinating to watch my husband because he rarely questions life the way I do. He made soul connections. He doesn’t know how unusual this is. Is it possible to feel belonging if you don’t know how to connect or be in community? Closing that gap is my continued goal. My moto is “whatever it takes”. It breaks my heart to know that others feel the disconnected. I don’t wish it on anybody. It must happen to most people because I recently asked my overseas cousins what it’s like for them who have never changed homes and they also have that disconnected feeling so I now figure Its not about geography or even stability. My search continues.
Thanks for sharing, Rasberry. Yes I think a lot of people feel like this. I’m glad Mindfulness has helped you. It’s a wonderful tool. I’ve written about some deeply beneficial uses of Mindfulness here.
There are definite ways of finding kindred spirits no matter where you are: the internet can help you find like-minded people. Once you know who your “tribe” is, it doesn’t matter where you are, you can always find them. As a recovering alcoholic, I know that I can walk into an AA meeting, for example, or meet anyone in recovery and feel instantly at home. I’m also a Buddhist and can connect with other Buddhists all over the world and know I am accepted instantly.
Sometimes who you connect with comes down to your life experiences or sometimes your value system.
But you don’t have to have these things in common: once you are able to accept yourself and love yourself, you will naturally express your true self more. That will lead to you attracting more people to you who genuinely connect with you.
That said, I always think that we should strive to be in a place where we ourselves are enough and can meet our own needs. If you didn’t get that bonding as a child, it does take work to learn how to comfort yourself, feel compassionate to yourself and provide yourself with your own self-connection. KNOW THAT YOU ARE ENOUGH. It may take you a bit more work to get there.
Then, no matter where you move or who you associate with, you will never be alone. You will feel you belong wherever you are, because you don’t need that external validation from others. Sorry, had my therapist’s hat on there. Hope it helps somewhat.
Keep on doing the work. You’ll get there.
I have traveled constantly since I was 15 always found it hard to settle down, as got depressed if stay too long. Now I have no local connection to the council anywhere in the UK even where I was born, now ready to settle down I have no money, no home, no family or friends to help and feeling I don’t belong anywhere for years. As a result I’m not suicidal but the thought of laying asleep for ever comforts me so much. I often prayed I’d die in my sleep nice and peacefully. Don’t no what to do or where to go.
I posted you a really long reply ages ago Lost Soul, but somehow it seems to have been wiped (thank you WordPress). I’m so sorry you feel this way. Please read my comments to Gio about self-compassion. Warmest wishes to you.
18 years old and not at the right place at all.
Not so sure what I’m searching for but my feelings are definitely searching for something..
I think it might be love, because the only people who have really loved me are my grandparents. Of course there’re more people who like me, but those are just friendships, I’ve got friends and a nice study, but I just hate The Netherlands and I just hate my home. Only had a girlfriend once which didn’t mean that much, could be that I’m just in need of a girl.. or just in need of family? I am lost xD It can really hurt at some times though.. what should I do… I am really lost like for real
Sorry to hear that you’re suffering. I would suggest “exploring” both outside and inside yourself. It does sound like you’re searching for love. But we can cultivate love inside ourselves as well as receiving it from others. In fact, we can have nothing in the world at all, be in the direst circumstances and still feel loved and accepting of where we are if we cultivate self-compassion. You might want to look into meditation and learning to be compassionate towards yourself. I literally just posted a video about meditation and self-compassion tonight. I will most probably post an article on self-compassion soon, as it is so important in life and a lot of us are not very compassionate towards ourselves. Wishing you well.